


Love Only Knows

by macabre_monkey



Category: The Last Herald Mage, Valdemar Series - Mercedes Lackey
Genre: Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, First Time, M/M, PWP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-15
Updated: 2011-09-15
Packaged: 2017-10-23 18:42:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/253662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macabre_monkey/pseuds/macabre_monkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The missing sex scene from Magic's Price.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Only Knows

Stefen paced nervously around the room. Candles were lit on the mantle, but it was still very dim. He made no move to light any more. The late summer night was still and quiet. The room was well insulated against noise, and he couldn't even hear the omnipresent chirp of crickets and frogs that had followed him all on the long journey to Forst Reach. He paused in his pacing, running his hands through his hair for the fiftieth time, feeling his stomach churn with anxiety.

Where the blasted hell was Vanyel?

Stef had been honestly surprised when the servant had shown him to his room after supper, and Vanyel's packs and instruments had been left right next to his own. When the servant asked if he needed anything else, he only shook his head and bid her goodnight. He hadn't thought about it really. He still didn't have a definate plan. He just knew that eventually, Vanyel would come here. And maybe then, Stef would have a decent chance at him; maybe Stef could convince him that he _wasn't_ a star struck child, or only interested in one night's pleasure.

But to do that, he'd have to get Van to _listen_ to him, to not panic and go cold and distant when he realized, finally, that Stefen was trying to move their relationship beyond the bounds of friendship. But this time would be different. It had to be. Because Stef didn't know how much longer he could take this. If Vanyel didn't sometimes seem like he wanted Stefen as much as Stef wanted him, it would be easier. He'd dealt with rejection and heartbreak before. But there was always that moment right before Van's face closed off and he changed the subject, or said goodnight, when Stef swore he saw a moment of longing and regret.

So Stef persevered.

But it was so damn _hard_ sometimes.

But this time would be different.

In a moment of inspiration, Stef moved to stand behind the door. If Van walked in and saw him standing in the middle of the room, he'd pause like a startled deer, quietly leave, and probably never even mention the incident.

So he waited, slouching against the wall, drifting in and out of fantasies of Vanyel. Vanyel shoving him up against a wall and kissing him fiercely, rubbing their groins together. Or Vanyel begging, wanting, needing Stefen desperately, completely at his mercy....

And then the door handle turned, the heavy door swung slowly open, and the familiar white-clad figure stepped into his line of sight. Vanyel stood there for a moment, pondering the fact that Stefen's bag and gittern case were piled next to his. And then Stefen quietly closed the door and shot the bolt home. Van turned, looking slightly confused and panicked when he saw Stef, and his current state of almost-not-quite undress. His adam's apple worked nervously, and he managed to say in a strange, scratchy voice, "Stef, oh...I'll just...just get my things and--"

"No," Stef said forcefully. More forcefully than he'd intended. But he'd tried being subtle, and it hadn't worked. Subtle was too easy to brush off, ignore, pretend it hadn't happened. So Stefen pitched his voice lower, using all his Bardic training to sound confident, authoritative.

"No," he repeated, less sharply. "You've been avoiding me this entire trip, and we have to talk."

Vanyel still had that panicked deer look as he carefully avoided looking at Stefen's face, at his mostly bare chest and torso. He turned towards the fireplace, and in an attempt at nonchalance, managed to ask, "What is it you needed to talk about that you couldn't say on the road?"

And that was absolutely it, the last straw. Stefen would be _damned_ if Van was going to get out of this. He wasn't going to cluck his tongue at Stefen, give him a patronizing pat on the head, and shove him out the door. Not this time. Before he even knew what he was doing he was across the room, his hands on Vanyel's shoulders, wrenching him around and forcing the Herald to _look him in the eyes, dammit_ , and saying, "Vanyel, I am shaych, just like you.

"I've known what I am for years now. I've accepted it, made peace with it. And I want you. The first time I saw you, I wanted you. And yes, maybe at first I only wanted you because you're beautiful, and _not old_ , but now--" but now was the perfect time for his voice to break, like he was a damn novice still squeaking through puberty, but he pressed on. "But now I want more than that. I want _all_ of you, the parts that you don't show to someone you're _just friends_ with. And I want to give you those parts of myself too." And now, gods, he was crying, like he was in one of those aweful melodramatic plays he adored. Softly now: "I'm in love with you, Van. And this is breaking my heart." And now he couldn't get any more words out from around the lump in his throat.

And Vanyel just stood there, still, so still. No flash of emotion was betrayed by his face, his eyes. Oh gods, what if Stef was wrong? What if all those times he swore Vanyel had at least _some_ feelings for him had only been wishful thinking? He'd never even considered the possibility that maybe the longing he saw on Van's face was actually pity. Oh gods, oh gods oh gods, he didn't know if he could ever get over this. He broke eye contact, and let his hands fall to his sides as he mumbled, "I see then. I'll, I'll just go." And he turned, and walked right past his things, not even caring, just wanting to find a private place where he could fall to pieces. Whatever in the world had possessed him to think that one of the highest ranked Heralds in Valdemar, the most powerful mage in the kingdom, would ever want him? He was nothing. An orphan, a bastard, a beggar's brat who'd been plucked from the gutter; he polished up nicely, and he could behave himself in polite company, but that's all he was. That's all Vanyel, who was born noble, even though that wasn't supposed to matter when you became a Herald, would ever see him as.

But then a hand on his shoulder stopped him. Vanyel walked around to face Stefen, and gods, the way he looked in candlelight....

"No, Stef, don't go, please." His voice was soft. His eyes were wide, filled with some emotion Stef hardly dared to recognize. "Stay," he pleaded. Was he? Did he? Yes, he was, he really meant it. He was finally admitting what there was between them. "I want you to stay," he repeated, and raised his hand to brush the tears from Stefen's face. Stef covered it with his own hand, and held it there.

They stood like that for a few seconds, a moment, a year, just looking into each others eyes, barely breathing. Then Stef took a step closer, until they were just touching. He leaned forward, pressing their lips close, chastely at first, and then Van opened his mouth with a little moan and the kiss went from innocent to desperate in a matter of seconds. The sound of Vanyel's moan, the way he was melting into Stefen's embrace kindled the first stirrings of arousal, and gods, it had been months, it had been _forever_ , and whatever happened tonight, he just hoped he didn't make a fool of himself. They broke the kiss, needing air, and Vanyel's face was flushed, his lips red and parted, and was no longer politely trying to refrain from ogling Stefen's body. But he wasn't _doing_ anything. Maybe it had been so long that he was shy? Maybe he wasn't sure of Stefen, of his experience. Maybe, just maybe, he wanted Stefen to take control. Whatever the reason, Stef was going to take this as far as Vanyel would let him.

He took Vanyel by the hand and backed up, slowly, toward the bed. Vanyel resisted for just a fraction of a second before letting Stef tug him along. Stef shrugged out of his own shirt, then untied the laces on Vanyel's waistcoat and undershirt, kissing every new inch of exposed skin before running his hands under the flowing fabric, feeling the lean muscle, the raised flesh of scars, and pulling it over his head. Gently, slowly, he pushed Van down onto the bed, and straddled his hips, not resting his full weight completely on Van, but allowing just enough contact that he could feel Van's arousal through their breeches. Van was starting to make the most delightful noises: breathy little moans and gasps; at the touch of Stefen's groin against his, he made a high pitched whine and arched his neck. Stefen couldn't resist licking, and nipped at the hollow of his throat, eliciting another groan and a gasp. Stef smiled to himself. It had only been a few minutes, and he'd already found a place on Van's body that sent him wild.

He continued his explorations, using fingertips and tongue, working his way over Vanyel's chest, his nipples, his torso. By the time he reached Van's navel and began unlacing his breeches, Stef was nearly undone. He'd never been so affected by his partner's pleasure before, and had never particularly cared one way or another if they were vocal. But this was _Vanyel_. The man was utterly inscrutable, always perfectly calm, poised--to have him writhing and moaning in pleasure underneath him, well, all Stefen wanted to do now was bury his cock in Vanyel's ass and make him _scream_.

Patience. He wanted to make this last. He wanted it to be worth remembering, for both of them. He knew he would be good for more if he came early, but not everyone was like that. He was reasonably certain of Vanyel, though, knowing it had been quite a while since he'd been intimate with anyone.

So he slowly tugged Van's breeches down, making sure to hook his smallclothes as he went, until Vanyel's cock was finally free. He tugged off the boots and threw the whole mess over the side of the bed, and contemplated the sight before him, drawing the moment out a bit, because Vanyel in the throes of sexual passion was absolutely _gorgeous_. Stef finally took mercy on him, and leaned down to suck him. He started by taking Van in about halfway, then slowly spitting him back out. Then he licked his way up the shaft before taking the head in his mouth and swirling his tongue over it. Vanyel's moans were growing more and more impressive, and his hips and thighs were trembling from resisting the urge to thrust. Stef sucked him again, angling his head so he take Vanyel in all the way, easing his cock deep into his throat, and sucked hard, while at the same time stroking his own cock. He managed to get off pretty quickly, and only a moment later, Vanyel shuddered and moaned, "Stef, I'm--" but before he could finish his warning, bitter saltiness flooded his mouth. Some of it trickled down his throat, but he spit the rest of it into his hand and wiped it on his breeches, which were wadded up next to him on the bed. They were dirty anyway. He didn't even remember taking them off.

Raised up on his elbows, Stefen surveyed his handiwork. Vanyel was splayed on the bed, skin flushed, chest heaving, eyes closed, one hand gripping the sheets with white knuckles, the other knotted in his hair. Stef let this moment sink into his memory, before crawling up to the top of the bed, head propped on one hand, and brushed a lock of sweat soaked hair from Van's forehead. Neither of them spoke, just lay there catching their breath. Then Vanyel let out a huge groan and said, "Holy _gods_ , Stef," and rolled over and grabbed Stefen's face for a passionate kiss, pulling the Bard back on top of him and twining their legs together. His cock, Stefen was pleased to note, was pressing rather insistently against his thigh.

So much for _that_. He took Vanyel's lead, pressing him into the mattress, kissing him hard, wriggling his hips around until their cocks lined up against each other. They writhed together like that, kissing and gasping and moaning, until Stefen couldn't take it anymore; he was ready, so ready, aching with need, and Vanyel seemed willing. He reached down between the Herald's legs and touched a finger to his entrance, questioning, and Van threw his head back and shivered, inhaled sharply, and gasped out "Yes, please, please Stefen, please." Stefen took the opportunity to lick the hollow of his throat again, before hopping out of bed to go dig through his packs for the jar of unguent he'd packed, just in case. Vanyel whimpered at the sudden loss of contact, raised up on his elbows and lifted an inquiring eyebrow when Stefen held up the jar in explanation, grinning when he realized what it was.

They went back to kissing as Stef worked the lid of the jar open and coated his fingers in the contents. He lightly touched Van again, and began massaging the hole. Vanyel felt very tight, not surprisingly, and Stef sternly told himself that he was going to take his time with this, as he leaned in and devoted his attention to Van's nipples.

After a few moments, he slipped a finger inside to check. A little better, but still too tight. Van shifted his hips a little at the intrusion. Stef slowly worked his finger in and out, pausing every now and then to withdraw and go back to his gentle massage. Slowly Van's body began to relax, and Stef slipped another finger in, looking for the place inside him that would send Vanyel wild with pleasure. "Now", he whined. "Please, gods, now Stef." Gods, this felt so unreal.

Stefen coated his cock generously with the unguent, wanting to do everything possible to minimize Vanyel's discomfort. He lined himself up at Van's entrance, and pushed in with agonizing slowness. It was tight, so deliciously tight, but Van's arousal was flagging, and on his face was the familiar war of pain and pleasure. Stef began mentally reciting scales on the twelve stringed gittern to control himself. He pulled out, and pushed back in ever so slightly, willing Vanyel's body to just relax and let Stefen make him feel good again. With each little thrust, he made it in a little bit further, until finally, Van's body took him in all the way. Stefen held himself as still as he could, letting Vanyel get accustomed to the feel of him, until his face began to ease, and he wiggled his hips a bit, trying to get some sensation.

Stef grabbed his legs and began searching for a better angle of entry, altering the position of his hips each time he thrust, until Vanyel's hips bucked up and he yelled, gripping the sheets and writhing, biting his lip, and moaning "gods yes, oh gods, Stefen, please," and from there went to wordless cries of encouragement. Stef went slowly at first, still mindful of Vanyel and not wanting to take it too fast, and maybe do him damage, but when Vanyel gave that high pitched, breathy whine, and managed to gasp "harder, gods, go harder" Stef gave himself up to the pleasure, falling into an easy rhythm, Vanyel thrusting back back to meet him.

They moved together until Stefen lost all track of time, blind and deaf to everything except each other, until Stef felt himself losing control, and knew he couldn't last much longer. He reached down and took Vanyel's neglected cock in his hand and began stroking it, firm, hard strokes, and in seconds Vanyel's whole body was rigid, the force of his orgasm silencing him. Warmth and wetness spread between their bellies, and Stef was a few thrusts behind him before his own orgasm hit, hot and white and long. Both of them lay panting and trembling, riding out the aftershocks with tiny thrusts, until Vanyel finally just went limp. Stefen lingered in him for a moment longer, not wanting to break contact, but his arms wouldn't support him anymore. He pulled out, and flopped down next to Van. He felt like he had no bones, like he was floating above his own body.

Vanyel reached over the edge of the bed, searching through his discarded clothes for a handkerchief, and cleaned both of them off before tossing it back onto the tangled pile. He curled up next to Stefen and laid his head on Stef's shoulder, one arm stretched across his chest. Stef returned the embrace, pressing his cheek against the top of Vanyel's head.

Van chuckled a bit, and sighed with utter content before saying, "You know, I was under the impression that you were something of an innocent."

That was so ridiculous that Stefen couldn't hold back a snort. He hadn't been a virgin in years, and as for innocent, his upbringing in the slums of Haven had beaten all the innocence out of him very early.

Van continued, "Ordinarily I hate being proven wrong as much as anyone else, but in this case I am _very_ pleasantly surprised.

Stef had to laugh at that, and held Van closer, stroking the fine hairs of his arm, and enjoying the feeling of closeness.

"I'm afraid I wasn't good for much, though," Vanyel added, in a half apologetic tone.

"Shush," Stefen scolded, kissing the top of Van's head affectionately, inhaling his scent. "I promise you, you were wonderful."

Exhaustion caught up with them, then. It was late, and they'd been travelling most of the day. If Stefen listened very closely, he could almost make out the sound of crickets chirping. And just as they were drifting off, Van whispered, "I love you, too, Stef."

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first fic I wrote in forever, after deciding to jump back in the LHM fandom a year ago, and the first or second sex scene I ever wrote ever. meep


End file.
